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Are You in An Abusive Relationship?

Are You in An Abusive Relationship?

1. He seems angry or irritated with you several times a week or more although you had not meant to upset him.  You are surprised each time.  He may say that he is NOT mad when you ask him what he’s mad about, or he tells you in some way that it is your fault.

2. When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don’t feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don’t feel happy or relieved.  Nor do you have a feeling that you’ve kissed and made up.”  He may say that you are just trying to star an argument or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.

3. You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you cannot get him to understand your intentions.

4. You are upset not so much about concrete issues-how much time to spend with each other, where to hang out, or with which friends to spend time, as about the communication in the relationship:  what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.

5. You sometimes wonder, “What’s wrong with me?  I shouldn’t feel so bad.”

6. He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share this thoughts or plans with you.

7. He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything you mention, and his view is not qualified by “I think” or “I feel” or “I believe”—as if your view was wrong and his was right.

8. You sometimes wonder if he understands that you are a separate person with thought and feelings of your own.

9. You cannot recall saying to him, “Cut it out!” or, “Stop it!”

10. He is either angry or has “no idea what you’re talking about” when you try to discuss an issue with him.  You are told, “You’re too sensitive” when you bring up your concerns.

11. He has an attitude of superiority.


The Verbally Abusive Relationship.  Patricia Evans

Golden Valley, MN Therapist

St. Paul, MN Therapist

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